To Be or Not to Be

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Welcome

ahhh-moment.jpg 

 

…to the musings of me. Now that doesn’t sound too appealing you say? and that’s ok. This is my first time too, is it yours? A  ha, I’ve caught your eye! Wow what the imagination can spark…as she smiles modestly. Just a quick spy through the looking glass then…this is my most english accent which probably doesn’t make any sense.

None the less here we are at the beginning of what looks like a marvelous ride. One of carousel coutures, picturesque scenes of how to’s, has beens and everything in between. Poetry and prose, maybe even a journal or two to disclose. Yes, I’ve been an avid journal writer for some time, I guess that’s what led me here to share. Writing is just one of those things that comes naturally for me especially if it’s a rant or a rave. Jane of all trades, I am; well at least that of the artsy type. Sometimes turning trash into treasure or starting from scratch. Usually the “template” idea of project is always there, and eventually you see the creation take shape. Just like doing the hokey pokey, you won’t find out until you put one foot in and shake it all about.

Speaking of hokey pokey, that’s another part of me, the procrastinator procreator to a T! Yep, I said it, I went there. Time management and I love to do this dance, this dance of who, what , where, when, why and how. It took me awhile to complete the zero to hero daily challenges last year. Hence, I’ve concluded that’s one of my quirks. I did eventually finish them.

I welcome you to check out my blog from time to time, if not, that’s quite alright too. I will be, like the headline says “a work in progress” to this site and hope to have fun doing so.  So far, so good, I like what I see and can’t wait to meet you too! Soooo delighted to be a part of this community and look forward to learning more new things from all of you.

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Find your Passion!

Well said…indeed something to do NOW…love it. Thanks coach catieūüėä

Life & Relationship Coaching Advice

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Passion (emotion)

Passion is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion, compelling enthusiasm or desire for anything.

The term is also often applied to a friendly or eager interest in or admiration for a proposal, cause, or activity or love ‚Äď to a feeling of unusual excitement, enthusiasm or compelling emotion, a positive affinity or love, towards a subject. It is particularly used in the context of romance or sexual desire though it generally implies a deeper or more encompassing emotion than that implied by the term lust. ¬†(Source: Wikipedia.com)

What is your passion? What do you love to do that fills your heart with joy? I‚Äôm often asked ‚Äúhow do I find my passion‚ÄĚ? I believe it starts with first finding yourself and what triggers your passion. Often in life we lose sight of the things‚Ķ

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Procrastinate post

Fa la la la la,la la la la! Oh yes indeed we have succeeded in making Christmas come alive.

Once again we came to the close of the year,and review is at hand. If you are like me you’ll be one of those thinking of New Years resolutions,or not? I say it that way because often at times we feel the need to keep those resolutions,or better yet keep trying to achieve them. How funny we are. Awhile ago I discovered that it’s crazy at times to lump 5 tasks into one ultimate goal for success. However, I do tend to forget this and put myself on that train of disdain.

This year I give myself permission to make the mistakes necessary for spiritual growth. It’s OK if we don’t have it all together,that’s what makes us all unique. Self realization is a process of re generation like a shedding of some sort…to slough off the old. To make room for new growth.

This is not to say that we give up all hope of trying to live to the New Years tradition of resolutions…to be resolute. But rather be kind to ourselves and others for trying and to not give up the hope that things can change.

With that in mind, I should act accordingly when adding apps to new tablet, a surprise gift for Christmas. I am indeed blessed! It is with glee and delight as I ponder all the possibilities for this new device. One of which I am still getting used to. Father Christmas knew I wanted one for a long time,thus the reason for delayed postings. Here I am with you,updating and reflecting on the quirks of life.

I’ve got my sights on good things to come,always expecting greatness and if that means being patient in the wait then so be it.

 I shall rest in the knowing that I am covered,let my expectations go and let the ease of living take form.

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Press on….

The work week has come to an end, but the beginning of the weekend is here. Funny how the end of the work week is not called the week-end. That random thought just came to me as I press on these keyboard keys. It has been a week of many interesting lessons, lessons in love, understanding and pressing on. On April 1st, 2014 just a month ago, I was presented with news of mixed emotions. Mixed? you say, why one would think that this type of news would bring sadness, despair and confusion. My first thought was of course sadness and despair, there may have even been a bit of confusion, heck maybe even a hint of doubt. The whole scene turned into one to write about.

I will start this story with a planned eventful day with both of my parents who are not that old, but given life’s moments have succumbed to many ailments that plague them. I love them dearly and sometimes wonder how it is that they ever came together, but then I realize it is not for me to question. We start our journey early in the day and not far into it, my father and I get into disagreement, at first it seemed harmless but turned into feats of ego. Quickly I backed down in my insistence to be right, my fleshly self wanted to triumph, and then my spirit said “Let It BE”.

We went about our day, getting the van maintained and a little shopping mixed with doing our taxes for the year. We were enjoying ourselves as much as was possible, I say that in the truest form. It isn’t always easy to be a positive force in this world. Trying to live life that way, on purpose is exactly where I want to be. I don’t profess to know anything about everything or even everything about anything, because when it comes right down to it, we are humans trying to live a superhuman life.

That’s right superhuman life, what does that mean? Well to me and this given by “thee” is probably the understanding and knowledge of being in relationship and fellowship to find the love, kindness and peace within each of our hearts. To be filled with happiness, grace and well-being to want to help those, because we know that in turn we are helping ourselves. To know that we are not only of ourselves that we belong to a greater purpose, an abundant life of harmony. Peace and harmony within and out, to share that part of you that makes up them and how we are connected on levels many of us have no idea about. Wow that was a thoughtful, and it came from above.

On to the story at hand, we enjoyed our lunch and again I was tempted to say what I thought. Again I tugged at my heart and said in my mind, I will not. Yet another opportunity presented itself and my loose mouth got louder and louder, how quickly we can forget. I guess I thought my ideas, problems, dilemmas, controversies were more important at the time and ego took the driver seat again. I was really not in a good place and could feel the angst. So again I had to check outta this place and get back into that awesome loving, kind caring place. The ride home was quiet.

As we crossed the bridge to our little town, there are still a few more stops to make. Pick up some medication and the grocery store again. While in the grocery store, I noticed my uncle in line. I smiled and hurried up to that line and as we talked he decided it was time, time to tell me sorrowful news. Not prepared for that at all, told that the our spiritual elder has left for the spirit world. Your world is shook up like wow that just happened and did I hear right. This must be a dream one of the twilight zone, nope here we are in the thick of reality called life. My uncle had left the store and I tried to hold back the tears but given my nature I couldn’t hold back. All the cashiers were great in lending a hand in helping me with the latest news of the day. I was stunned and couldn’t imagine any more stress for the day, I just wanted to get home to have a good big cry.

I quickly left the store and thanked all the ladies for their help. As I got into the van and took a moment to relate, I started to cry and told my parents the news. Disbelief and discomfort for sure was in the air, How could this be? My father wouldn’t let me drive until I stopped crying. Wiping the tears I started to drive and to tell them the details I knew of his death.

This day has been trying and I wondered why but thought it best not to question. Trying to hide my feelings has not been a strong quality of mine, so I told my partner the news and then the children. Now is the time to cry and so I did. There is a knock at the door and it’s my sister, she’s come to bring more news. Oh how much more can a person take. Just as quickly as she has come in she leaves and says “I’ll be right back”. She looks at us like, I’ve seen that look before and it’s not good is it look.

I proceed to tell her the news of our spiritual elder dying and we shed some tears and wonder how will we ever manage. The discussion around that news was heartfelt and hopeful, but short. She says that she heard the news next door at our brother’s house where my parents were visiting and said she wasn’t sure if she should come over and share her news. My heart to pound a bit and my eyes got bigger as I braced myself for yet another blow. A blow you say, how did I know? Just by my sister’s demeanor and long face of despair. She blurts it out, and for reasons our niece is a minor, her name will be changed in this case. Sara is pregnant!,and as fast as she is telling me all of the details we are crying at the same time. Hugging and crying and wondering why and what now. I for one thought it a blessing and still do today, but others in our family have different views. That’s all well and good but how do you know.

She proceeded to tell me details of how our niece contacted her and not our sister her mother to accompany her and her boyfriend to the hospital to take a test, the test. That test proved a positive for new life to begin, however given our niece’s young age of 15 going on 16,they were given information for an “options” clinic, which I know well enough what that means. Wow what a day to roller coast through life. Both of us hugging,crying and my heart racing like never before as she tells me more. She has not told our sister and wonders if she should as our niece doesn’t want anything to do with her mom. What a mess and a half all of which is it up to us to solve? I think not, only a heart can take so much then it has to give. My sister felt like there was no one who would understand the twist she was in and how to overcome this twist of fate, yes that just what this is a twist of fate. Decisions,decisions,decisions to make each one has its consequences whatever our niece decides.

I try to console my sister, to tell her she did the right thing and all that news is a hard burden to bear. Also if she didn’t want to bear this alone, Sara or herself will have to tell our sister the truth. She has a right to know that her daughter has produced life! I guess I”m having a bit of a time with that decision our niece has come to…to terminate that which has no rights.Is this another test to the human condition from that of above to see if we are indeed worthy of his love, unconditional love. To press on, no matter what and continue in faith,belief and to love HIM,trust in that belief that all will work out as planned. How impatient we can be to wait and see, and when we think that we know what we know, we are presented with a whole new twist into the plan of the story. Who are we to say what will be, we have no idea of what will be tomorrow or even 5 hours from now. Each moment is a moment of grace to continue on in the faith that someone other than ourselves matter, our little woes and whims don’t matter to the bigger scheme of things.

This day taught me that everyday is a blessing a blessing of life and that each day is a session of learning. Learning to be the best possible self.

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windows

SavedPicture-2014219173929.jpgHello world! It’s been a long roller coaster ride of a month, one I am most grateful for. A lot of retrospection and reflection into life and all it has to offer, if one is willing to receive it. Yes, that indeed my friends “is” what it is.

I understand this long winter has put us under a security blanket, but we will awake in this springtime season, renewed with love, a sense of purpose and fulfillment, peace and being in the NOW. This may seem like a bunch of new age thinking, but in fact it is not, it is as ancient as we are. We’ve lost it or forgotten the path to peace, wellness and fruition, our purpose here on earth, in this life.

A life so precious and that of a moment gone by, can change dramatically in a blink of an eye. No warning or comings and goings, but just that a change. So we have an opening, a doorway of sorts to change accordingly, to discard old ways of thinking and embrace the awakening inside us. Yet some of us choose to wrestle with this sense of being and try to run, resist and even hide.

No one can escape the reality of their true purpose in life, here on this earth. We are but vessels of light, pure and kind in the spirit we are to live, not as individuals, but rather as ONE. I am glad and blessed to be alive in and of this time. It is one of regeneration, renewal and rebirth, and not in the sense that is depicted in media. However, it is also one of opportunity for change, a change for the better. A change of spiritual awakening in whatever forms that is familiar to you and what you believe.

I have been presented with a window of opportunity in my own life over the past month, which is why I have slacked on posting for a time. I needed to come to terms with my lifestyle choices and address them accordingly, whew so glad to be back on track. With that renewed lease on life it has been decided that all levels of my well-being and my family depends on looking at ourselves holistically, the way it was intended. It will be a long process but a well worth investment in the advancement of humanity.

That’s a big stance to have you say, well intended it is and if we are to change the human race to one of peace, well-being and harmony and love, then it is with ourselves that we start first. Raising 3 boys, having their friends and our nephews stay with us over the years I am confident they will make a positive difference in this world we live in. It may not be one of massive scale but that of a single kind act towards another human being,plant or animal with out anyone seeing his deed, but the ONE who sees is what counts with everyone.

I thank you for taking the time to read, maybe even question thy self. I am blessed that you are here. This little message is of love, peace and understanding. One of humility and courage to say it with kindness and grace. I am looking forward to the new life given to me and thy family. Peace be with all of you today and always…

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Get it

They just don’t get it
just don’t understand
the creative process
of using both hands

Don’t judge thee…
of my imagination;creation
only support me
whatever I may choose to be

Choose to be…in my mindscapes…free
the altered reality
Perstephanie..perplexing, yet simplicity.

~by Ruby Thompson~

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Valentine’s Day~Round up activity

Valentines Day

A day of love post by Write Meg! , yes with Valentine’s day still Freshly Pressed in our minds, I decided to catch up to the rest of the blogging world. It felt like a while since I had put pen to thought, or is it thought to pen? Well, I had my own ideas how my next post should sound and look, however that’s not what happened. I ventured to check out all the handpicked highlights from Freshly Pressed and that is where I met  a Boy with a Hat (blog I recently followed). He had me pondering on things I love and the meaning of LOVE itself. I bet you never knew Married ladies can have crushes, too post by Write Meg! , whoa you say that doesn’t sound right. Ahhh, honey don’t worry it’s a sign from above we have a good ole “book” crush from time to time we just love. To my valentine’s surprise; book reviews for thine eyes. Its lovely writing at its best. That’s got to be something to love, laugh and live about, yet still questioning our own validity in this vast written world. Love knows no limits. Let’s not limit ourselves to the written word but to allow a great Fusion:The Synergy of Images and Words to entice our imaginations. Words mixed with picturesque media content to reveal all that could be. To take us from ‘Inside These Walls’ by Rebecca Coleman(review by Write Meg!), to other mindsets of the world.

I guess love could be viewed as evidenced by Dear Followers. It is many things to many walks of life, All Creatures Great and Small by It Takes Two~blog on Photography. This inspired that lovin feeling….oooohh that lovin feeling. It reminded me of fresh new love as portrayed  in Photo Essay of Couples Around the World. Around and around we go, Love is ….what makes the world go round. It definitely takes you to a whole different place. Not just in your heart, but mind,body and soul; of love’s lost but not forgotten. You don’t give up, the Boy with a Hat encourages hope, hope for the love lorn. I wonder if The Romance of Our Shadow knows?

People, places and things these are a few of my favorite things! Ah but the love of writing, puts a voice to the face, The Boy with a Hat had me questioning whether I preferred handwriting over typing in Are You a Handwriter or a Typer? which posed yet another deeper question,Are You a Writer?. So to answer those questions, yes I think I am a writer of sorts, I’ve arrived here! Well to be honest creating this post had me doing both, and then some. Whew, if you only knew, my notebooks of scribblings and after thoughts strewn all over the floor.

Just ask the Boy with a Hat,9 Signs That You are Becoming a Writer, imagine that.  All this and more, wow what a lot of good reads indeed. But, I didn’t stop there I wanted to Write Meg some more but took a walk on the wild side of love instead. Photography by It Takes Two was a breath of fresh air and by that I mean inspiration galore for me to write some more.

It seemed I was on a roll for more interesting finds that added to the hot topic of Love. You see people and animals like that special bond, a fondness of things, passionate and endearing. Loving of self, others and things all rolled into one. That’s what makes us all unique and loving in our own quirky ways. We love to paint, sing, read, and ski. We love to travel, photograph, write and watch t.v. Our love extends beyond ourselves, especially to those we least expect, this is how we affect.

So, I bid you adieu and hope you enjoyed my little review. Those highlighted reads were inspiring, funny, tragic, and moving. A little bit of something for everyone to love.

Recommended

*Write Meg! ~ another take on writing,reading,loving and reading blog
*BOY WITH A HAT ~ musings,poetry, and stories blog
*Steve Mc Curry’s blog ~photography blog

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First Kiss

almostshadow

First Kiss

Journal writing is far more reminiscent of jovial times, when young adolescents dance with delight at the thought of that “first kiss’. The tingling sensation from every inch of their bodies as they nervously touch the other to whom their caresses arouse all the senses. Each one anticipating how it will feel, the sweet taste of each other while their pounding heart thunders loudly in their ears. A wondrous time of awaking that can hardly be contained into one single moment. Subtle cues given to signal advancement of the next phase.

They wish and wait patiently until they can see each other again, as if every waking moment depended on it. What is it that excites them, controls their desires and wanting their fantasies to come true. He looks at her with wonder and amazement all the while not knowing what she is all about. Studying her face and the gestures it makes, with every spoken word and smile. If only he could just reach over and kiss her supple soft lips as he dreamed about so many times before. To part her hair down the side of her cheek as he gazes into her eyes. He’s got her attention and she starts to respond in sweet subtle way. She glances at him and stares into his eyes looking feverishly at his lips. She wants to lean in towards him and feel the embrace, but plays shy for just a while longer. She blushes as his fingertips softly caress her cheek, hardly able to contain the excitement swelling inside her. This brief fleeting moment seems to last forever with each one of them trying to guess who will make the first move.

There is an interruption from friends joining their fun and they dispel anything that may be going on. She is still blushing on the inside and wonders if it shows. She tries to compose herself in a manner that hides her aspirations. He too, backs away trying to conceal his denying urge to pull her close to him. They glance at each other knowing that they must wait for another time and place. Is it the plight of flirtation that takes them to the next level of heightened ecstasy or their own imaginations of desires beyond themselves? It’s the thrill of wondering what each of them will do next to make that moment of truth real in their minds, the ultimate kiss, that first kiss.

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I like her because…

her reputation precedes her.

What is reputation anyways?
Someone else’s perceived version of who they think WE ought to be…

Reputation: recognition by other people of some characteristic or ability; overall quality of character as seen as judged by people in general; a place in public esteem or regard: good nameDo I have a reputation…hmmm that is the question? I guess maybe we all do, and probably our perception of it is indeed altered. Often we think we are one way as opposed to what others may seem to think about us. Sometimes we are immobilized by the “reputation” because it commands that we live by “it”. It can be a measure of how we are  to be(have) in today’s societal views. Other times it can be used as a driving force for some of today’s biggest achievements and demise of our time. Maybe its a semi form of our alter ego, that presents itself whenever it deems the time is right. I have to LOL on that last comment, because it sounds a bit split personality(ish). Okay, I know that is not a word but realistically speaking sometimes reputations can be misconstrued.

Real Story #1
(the names have been changed to protect the innocent and guilty)

New Year’s Eve

You know how people interact with each other of the opposite sex and you also know very well that if you factor in alcohol well the cocktail of the evening can be one of fanciful flight or just a kick in the a**…sorry had to bleep that out.

Short story put, one thing leads to another, drink after drink and let’s not forget prank after prank. All in fun you say, well depends on who’s having the fun and at who’s expense? Don’t get me wrong I played along, until I saw that it was no longer fun. Time to leave a new year had begun.

New Year’s Day

Oh what a night…still ringin in the New Year in my head, but somehow it seems louder today than last night. Tequila(to-kill-ya)shot,shot,shots. I go back to bed and rest my weary head, all day long just coasting in and out of what seemed like unconsciousness. This is what hangovers are like,note to self, don’t ever do this again. It isn’t until 5pm later that day that I decide to call my neighbor(Shelby)to check on her. She was pretty looped last nite and was worried when we left her. Thankfully we cleaned up the vomit off herself and put her to bed.

I notice her mother’s car in the driveway as I proceed to call. Her mother(Jenna) and I had become quite close friends over the past few years. Jenna answered the phone with a flurry of questions and accusations of character. I didn’t know what to think or how to answer, I was stunned, totally utterly stunned.

Conclusion of this story; based on the past reputation of certain individuals, sometimes that what they have done or not done remains ingrained in the brains of those who refuse to see beyond past mistakes or to take the person’s recollection of the truth at face value. No willingness to listen to what the other has to say, because your mind is already made up from the partial facts given.

Jenna and I have ended our friendship and the newer friendship with her daughter Shelby had ended as well. Of course it got messy with social media Facebook slurs and slanders, and extended to my family and friends of mutual interest. Naturally I got pissed, and wanted to tell my side of what happened that night. I wanted a reprieve, I wanted her to believe. Why, I can’t remember now, I probably did then, o yeah could it be reputation, you say. Writing is one of my passions so to this I took, writing two letters not sent and a poem in response to how I felt. I lost what I thought was friends, but gained a bit of knowledge and understanding of worth in the end.

Poem ~ Friendz No More By Ruby Thompson
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Lessons Learned

don’t always believe all that you hear and only half of what you see
there must be a reason and season for things to end
Trying to prove that you are right is pointless to people with closed off minds

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HEALth in mind

think
Temper is the #1 thing you can’t get rid of by losing it

No matter how you feel.
Get up, dress up, show up
and never give Up
~Regina Brett~
Another day to make a difference in this world and what happens I think I might have blown it. How could I have managed that?Probably had to do with my attitude towards someone else’s stuff. That’s right, I said it, someone else’s stuff!. I for one have been hibernating but thought I better get in to see the Nurse Practitioner for my annual check in. Health Inclined, HEALth in mind that’s exactly it, that’s the ticket! I’m not an expert in the medical field, only having worked in it for several years, but I do know this.
nurse

Why then on this Mental Health awareness day of all days, do you find yourself inclined to treat me this way. I had some things written down to help me remember what I needed to share. You say to me “You only have half an hour for your visit, so pick two of the most important things on your list. We don’t have enough time to go through all of it today.” Cut to the chase, I’m feeling displaced. Wow! It just hit me like a slap in the face, with a tone so cold and uncaring,it left a bitter taste. Is it possible, you too are having a bad day?

to nurse

I did not realize I was interrupting your day. Just give me what¬†I need and I’ll be on my way. When I tell you what’s wrong, that something isn’t right, just listen to me! How can you continue to interrogate me with questions of query, trying to answer them ever so quickly is making me weary. I start to think, “why did I come?”. Then this wave of uneasiness, anxiety, and grief start to come over me and then I can’t speak or¬†think. Is that part of it…not being on the meds? Speaking of meds, I tell you I stopped them and you look at me with eyes that despise. Was it the last statement that broke our client/clinician link? What do you think?

“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment” ~Dorothy Nevill

My expectations of this visit turning to sour milk, it’s no wonder I don’t like the taste. All the same questions and repeated tests, that left me feeling worse than when I came in.¬† Accusing tones of voice while¬†forcing my ligaments, limbs and joints. Doubting my insight of my own body and mind. Really you weren’t very kind. Your medical¬†books say “I’m too young” to be experiencing “this”¬†or is “this” your¬†own personal reality to it? Shouldn’t you have a list of symptoms to share with your clients for cases just like “this”.

“Be an Encourager.The world has plenty of critics already”. DaveWillis.org

As much as I wanted to get upset and angry I kept my cool. I answered your questions accordingly as best as I could. I¬† tried to understand what was happening to me¬†and didn’t feel very good. It was like you didn’t want to take the time to look,learn and listen, to try ¬†help me out even if you could. You give me a quick reprieve with a requisition for the lab and x-ray. “This should suffice” you say, “do these first and then we’ll see” as you show me on my way.¬†She really doesn’t believe me!

“Don’t allow your wounds to transform you into someone you are not”¬† www.thedailyquotes.com

I wish I had abided by the above quote when I left your office and on my way home; I did just the opposite and groaned. But I didn’t stop there I continued on until everyone, and I mean everyone heard my plight. Which of course made me wanna fight. A phone call, a letter; something to spite.I thought of all the things I could have said to stand up for myself and left it to social networking instead.

sarcasm

Hence the appointment to check up on a healthy brain.I guess my lessons are these:

  • trust yourself to know yourself
  • you are your own best HEALer
  • find alternative therapies¬† that suit you or get a second opinion
  • when the message you send out is not the message received that is miscommunication
  • train your¬†mind to see the good in every situation

And so it is with parting wisdom that I share this;

yesterday

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